Sunday, October 30, 2011

A Guide To Freeing Your Heavy Soul

So you're having a bad day? Feeling lonely? Had a car accident and feeling very down? Got into an argument and now you're feeling sad? Having hard time at work? People just don't understand you and you're hate for being who you wanna be? Suicidal?

Feeling all that but no one to talk to? Here's a solution.


Crying is good for your soul. Makes you feel good, and then you'll feel a lot lighter after that. And it's free! It's like a bonus free gift when God gave you your handsome body.

When you cry, every drop of tears is like your problems and stress falling out from your chiseled face. Which is why you'd feel a lot lighter after that. And you ask me why after few hours after the crying session you get sad again? Oh simple. It is because you filled the sadness up in your chippy face every time you worry or think about the past again. So after you cry. Don't dwell in the sadness or the past and look forward for the future.

Remember! You can't change the past but you sure as fart can change the ending. Gnome saying.

Here's tip for you on how to unlock this God-given superpower:

1. Think of the traumatic stuffs that made you stress and that you tried to avoid thinking the whole day. Live out that moment again and enhance the damn image x1000 then burst out into flames of water!!! Remember: After the session, let it go away forever.

2. So you're a tough ass. And you cannot cry. This needs a little bit more effort. Go watch sad movies like The Notebook. Or if you dislike romance then watch this Korean dog movie called Hearty Paw. Personally, I never cried so much watching a movie until I watched this. I cried so much and hard, my kidney went out of water.

3. So after those movie sessions you still didn't cry (you must be a heartless SOB)? Another good way is to think of stuffs that hurts you before. Like when your friends betrayed you when you were in high school. Or you know? The times when you parents said they didn't wanna have you, and you're just an accident. Or also the times when you see your friends having Playstation and all you have is just the black and white Tetris game. Oh and stuffs that your exes says about you can work as well. (Like she said,"You're worthless" because you're really worthless).

4. But if you don't have such sad events. You can even think of happy things that will make you sad. Confused? Example. Remember when you were younger and everything seems so perfect? The time where you don't worry about money and stuffs like that. And the best time of your life is when you're feeling excited on the day your best friend (who is now your enemy cause he got more money than you) is gonna come to your house to play with your Power Ranger toys? Don't you wanna cry knowing that all that is gone FOREVER? And there's no more reliving such moments EVER again? NOW YOU CRY!

5. Another way is to cut onion. But that you just cry without any soul enlightenment. Same goes with eating wasabi.

6. The best way however, its a little sincere, honest prayer to God. Oh sure you'll cry, but also feel loved and His warmth at the same time. Sucks if you don't believe in God. No cigar for you.

Always, remember crying is not limited to babies, kids and females. If it suppose to be this way then when a man reached 21 his eyes will automatically pop out. But no, a man retains his eyes for looking at girls and crying to lighten his soul.

Now, the downside of crying is:
You look ugly.

Remember! The quote "Real men don't cry" is not the full quote, it supposed to be "Real men don't cry (in public)".

Pro-tip: If you're not a kid or an old man, but an adult and you have sudden need to cry, please hide yerself.

These are all crafted by my own imaginations and no proper research is done, at all. Follow at your own risk

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