Sunday, October 30, 2011

A Guide To Freeing Your Heavy Soul

So you're having a bad day? Feeling lonely? Had a car accident and feeling very down? Got into an argument and now you're feeling sad? Having hard time at work? People just don't understand you and you're hate for being who you wanna be? Suicidal?

Feeling all that but no one to talk to? Here's a solution.


Crying is good for your soul. Makes you feel good, and then you'll feel a lot lighter after that. And it's free! It's like a bonus free gift when God gave you your handsome body.

When you cry, every drop of tears is like your problems and stress falling out from your chiseled face. Which is why you'd feel a lot lighter after that. And you ask me why after few hours after the crying session you get sad again? Oh simple. It is because you filled the sadness up in your chippy face every time you worry or think about the past again. So after you cry. Don't dwell in the sadness or the past and look forward for the future.

Remember! You can't change the past but you sure as fart can change the ending. Gnome saying.

Here's tip for you on how to unlock this God-given superpower:

1. Think of the traumatic stuffs that made you stress and that you tried to avoid thinking the whole day. Live out that moment again and enhance the damn image x1000 then burst out into flames of water!!! Remember: After the session, let it go away forever.

2. So you're a tough ass. And you cannot cry. This needs a little bit more effort. Go watch sad movies like The Notebook. Or if you dislike romance then watch this Korean dog movie called Hearty Paw. Personally, I never cried so much watching a movie until I watched this. I cried so much and hard, my kidney went out of water.

3. So after those movie sessions you still didn't cry (you must be a heartless SOB)? Another good way is to think of stuffs that hurts you before. Like when your friends betrayed you when you were in high school. Or you know? The times when you parents said they didn't wanna have you, and you're just an accident. Or also the times when you see your friends having Playstation and all you have is just the black and white Tetris game. Oh and stuffs that your exes says about you can work as well. (Like she said,"You're worthless" because you're really worthless).

4. But if you don't have such sad events. You can even think of happy things that will make you sad. Confused? Example. Remember when you were younger and everything seems so perfect? The time where you don't worry about money and stuffs like that. And the best time of your life is when you're feeling excited on the day your best friend (who is now your enemy cause he got more money than you) is gonna come to your house to play with your Power Ranger toys? Don't you wanna cry knowing that all that is gone FOREVER? And there's no more reliving such moments EVER again? NOW YOU CRY!

5. Another way is to cut onion. But that you just cry without any soul enlightenment. Same goes with eating wasabi.

6. The best way however, its a little sincere, honest prayer to God. Oh sure you'll cry, but also feel loved and His warmth at the same time. Sucks if you don't believe in God. No cigar for you.

Always, remember crying is not limited to babies, kids and females. If it suppose to be this way then when a man reached 21 his eyes will automatically pop out. But no, a man retains his eyes for looking at girls and crying to lighten his soul.

Now, the downside of crying is:
You look ugly.

Remember! The quote "Real men don't cry" is not the full quote, it supposed to be "Real men don't cry (in public)".

Pro-tip: If you're not a kid or an old man, but an adult and you have sudden need to cry, please hide yerself.

These are all crafted by my own imaginations and no proper research is done, at all. Follow at your own risk

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


I saw your ghost tonight. It fucking hurt my head

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Fill In the Blanks!

__________ about a month ago in ____________ . I was ____________when I realized that  ____________ . You have probably had that experience before. I felt ____________ , and I knew that soon I would have to  ____________ . My friend ____________ had called me the previous day, and told me all about  ____________ 's problem with  ____________ , and I was a little worried about  ____________ . Then, all of a sudden, I saw  ____________ what I realized was ____________ , and right then I  ____________ !
I remembered what  ____________ had told me about a situation like this. It was very important that I not  ____________ . Very calmly, I  ____________ and  ____________ . Before I knew it,  ____________ , and I  ____________. So you see, I really  ____________ , and I decided I just had to tell you all about it.


It was raining cats and dogs and horses about a month ago in Penang. I was enjoying my own face in the mirror when I realized that I'm stuck with the man in the mirror. I felt sad, and i knew that soon I would have to be sent to Taiping Zoo for a face like that. My friend whom is imaginary had called me the previous day, and told me all about his mother's problem with his dad who also does not exist, and I was a little worried about my sanity and my pants. Then, all of a sudden, I saw in the mirror behind the mirror which is IN the mirror of the mirror what I realized was the source of my craziness , and right then I did the Macarena and sang Doraemon's theme song!
I remembered what the voice in my pants had told me about a situation like this. It was very important that I not take off my pants and hand-wash them. Very calmly, I sing myself a lullaby and beat the crap out of my sleeping brother for no reason . Before I knew it, I felt happy, and I wet my pants. So you see, I really am just bored, and I decided I just had to tell you all about it.

Thursday, October 6, 2011


So another public figure passed away. And Facebook and the blogs and everything will be writing about how great this guy is.
But what about you?
After so many celebrities, high profile deaths, what did you learned?

1. Fame and money can't stop death. Sounds corny, but if you think carefully, it can be very frightening.
2. Like from the song "If I die young", 'funny when you're dead how people start listening.' Suddenly quotes from such people will begin to pop out in status updates.
3. People will appreciate you only after you're dead and gone. Not if you're not dead and went for holidays.
4. They will be mourning for you for about 3 days, then totally forgets about you.
5. The stuffs that you do before you die will haunt you forever. Like if you're a good guy, but you started sleeping around with guys before you die. Then after death, you'll forever be known as a guy rapist.

So today's lesson.

1. Don't spend all  your time on money and fame. Spend with families, friends, dogs, cats and love ones (and some good video games). When you die, your money won't come visit you (of cause you can still have fancy funerals, but is not like you can enjoy it). Think about it, on your deathbed, whose hands do you want to hold? (Hands because you got two hands, so one hand one fella)
2. If you live what you preached, you're quotes will be quoted even before you die. Hehe.
3. People will appreciate you only after you're dead and gone. Unfortunately this fact cannot be change.
4. If you really want to live on after you've died, go change and touched other people's life. Even strangers who you will crossing paths with. Then you'd be living on earth forever. (Example, go punch a random guy for no reason, then he'll forever remember you)
5. The stuffs that you do before you die will haunt you forever. So if you're a guy rapist, try to do more good stuffs like donating to some charity. Then after death, you'll forever be known as a guy rapist.

Learned it well.

Dear Steve Jobs,
Thanks for the iPhone! It's a little pricey, but its worth every penny I've spent on it. You literally changed my life (sort of, if the iPhone is free, then of course the change is more). I dunno much about you, just that you've come out with many cool stuffs mainly the Mac computer stuffs, iPod, iPhone, and iPad. And sort of arch-enemy of Bill Gates.

Why you'd have to go so young I totally couldn't understand. Its really sad.
Take care!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' 
The girl said, 'NO!' 
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Shooting Star

Monday, October 3, 2011

Relationship with

Do you remember the feeling when you're in school, and you think about the time when you get to go home to message or call the person you really really like?

The excitement and anticipation that is so magical that you're mood won't get spoil no matter what happens in class or whatever.

I used to have that kinda relationship.. with music. 

I'll be in classes, and thinking of the time I can put the earphones in my ear and play the disc-man.


Then I'd blast the music so loud that my parents would ask me to turn them lower or it'll spoil my hearing. (Doesn't matter since my hearing is gone by being a drummer)

Whenever I felt sad I just need to turn it on. If I'm happy, I'll turn it on. Whenever I'm bored, I'll turn it on and imagine that I'm playing or singing that particular song that is playing.

Sometimes I imagine singing it live in a stadium with serious amount of crowds. Sometimes I'll imagine my own version of the music video that is suitable for the song with me as the main singer.

Then I'd imagine the girls who used to reject me or I have crush on, suddenly idolizing me but I'll just ignore them cause I'm the damn rapper of Linkin Park! Pftt!

Then suddenly I lost it. I don't feel music is important anymore. And I just listen it when I have the time and if I'm busy I wont even turn it on. Sometimes I even drag myself to listen to them. Kinda sad.
That's why there's no music in my Iphone.

But not anymore!!! After all these tough days, I just wanna kiss my Peelow (pillow) and stuffs earphones in my ear and get molested by music.

Then there's no need to worry. No need for money. No need for humans. No need for the planet.
Because when I am music, then the whole world is mine.

HAHAHA i'm an idiot. hey.. don't judge my butt..

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Finding Myself - Day 6

What a day with low mood. Somehow I feel humans are selfish assholes. Rarely, I come across people who really put themselves in other fella's shoe before judging them. And a lot of them only comes to you when they need something from you.

Just stuffs that I can see in my own working band. They don't fucking care if you've to play whole night so as long as THEY get the fucking applause and THEY get all the fame and glory. And I'm at the corner smacking my fucking hands off (plus fucking up my backbones every night) and nobody knows I'm there. (Not forgetting looking like a dumbass playing that box)

And the fact that they call you one of the member but you have no say in the band? Well, a middle finger to that. What I am now a damn slave?

Not giving a shit anymore. My heart isn't in there anyway.

My world is just getting uglier day by day. Seriously, stop fucking with me, whoever is controlling this piece of shit land. If there's no need for me, then don't make me wake up when I sleep tonight.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Finding Myself - Day 5

Today I'm disappointed. But at least I can see a little glimpse of my future.
Today I disappoint my band members and my friends.
It's hard not to hate myself, seriously.
What the hell is wrong with me?

I keep on screwing things up to the point where I think there's some serious retardation inside me.
Are you sure you still need me, Earth?

I wish to be in hallucinations.
Silly dreams and imaginations.