Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Finding Myself - Day 2

As usual waking up feeling the same way. Lost and confused. And sleepy, couldn't sleep until 5am. Maybe because I got too hungry. I am always hungry nowadays for some reason.

As there isn't much happenings today I give a lot of thoughts about my life.

I envy some people who have a secured future, or at least know what they wanna do. The only thing that I am certain about my future is death.
I envy some people who are superstars. They perform under grand stages, under spot lights and hundreds and thousands of people goes over to see them. And all their concentration is on them. They would feel so alive that nothing sad can come into their thoughts anymore.
I envy some people who can achieve so much even though they are so young. I've lived so long and yet there is nothing that I achieve that is worth talking about.
I envy some people who have friends. Getting no answer and no reply from an SMS when you wish them is sad.
I envy some people who can walk close to God. I can't.

During dinner time we (Kenny, Shen and I) went to see a performance. Was really an amazing experience. Left us kinda breathless. Get to sing the national anthem after so long. Kinda uplifted when I was there. However just as we left, for some reason, the feeling disappeared.

Met 2 old friends after that. And all talks about jobs and careers and their fun times and stories in Thailand. Not the best topic but, you know, fake a smile.

Went to see Kenny and Shen eat some vegetarian foodstuffs and then I walked back.
I'm home. Hungry. Alone.

I really hope this silence isn't the end.

Mission for Day 3:
Fake a smile - A real man doesn't display sadness even if it hurts.
Live alone - A real man will never have the need for companionship. (Failed, repeated)

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